Most call it a gift,
but I thought it a rift
in my plans to have others love me.
I sang and I acted with all of my heart,
thinking that it was the only part
of who I was meant to be.
One day I would know
you can never let go
of a plan that is yet to be seen.
The spirits would speak to me through my whole life
You WILL be a mother.
You WILL be a wife,
But God has other plans when you get through the strife.
They tell me to listen
Because I can hear.
They say I’ll be different
and to God I’m Dear.
They say I’ll help more
if I lose my fear.
To me that seemed silly.
What I wanted rang clear.
I just wanted to be loved,
The gift seemed a curse that was sent from above!
This hearing I had
Well, it got me in trouble.
So, I pretended to not hear them
and blocked it for double.
If I could just hide it,
then no one would know.
I begged and begged God not to see.
Make them go!
But one day the pleading would not work any longer.
The Lord made it clear that I had to grow stronger.
I could not block anything out from then on.
The good, bad, and ugly would come to me strong.
But how do you know the difference when all you have done is fight.
Return back to God in pure love and you might.
But how does one ask God for help here , you see,
when you can’t trust yourself, and you don’t feel worthy?
It took time to resolve this.
2 weeks of shear hell,
but when it came to the end, I knew everything well.
To have faith in God you need faith in yourself.
Knowing this leads to a much needed wealth.
If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t believe God will.
So believe in yourself and let your heart fill
With a love that only God can provide.
Be aware who you are.
From yourself, do not hide.
This may sound easier said than done,
But see yourself as another, and you might have won
a triumph against your negative side.
The truth can not hide
forever in lies.
See that you have good traits and bad,
and some of the traits may make you sad,
Realize we all make mistakes here, you see.
and God is forgiving,
Just as you ought to be.
So forgive yourself, and love yourself too.
It might just lead to a better you.
Ironically, when all had past,
the love I needed was there at last!
For the love can not come from an outside source.
It has to come from within first, of course.
If we love ourselves enough to grow,
Then we can love others too, you know.
And our faith in God becomes restored.
I knew I would be protected for ever and more.
Self awareness through grace saved me.
and now I am clear what God chose me to be.
I do not fight it.
I see it’s a gift.
I do not call it a terrible rift.
I do not need the approval of others.
I know who I am, and it’s not undercover.
Thank you God for making me see,
that I’m good enough if I just be me…